This is exactly what I needed. Thanks God. You’ve been with me giving me peace through everything, every hurt, sorrow, roadblock, frustration. Now I see the point of all the challenges. I grew a sense of calm acceptance. Of course. You don’t grow strength by going to the gym and standing there. You need resistance. So, the victory of a sweet calm show that required much patience through all the twists and turns of cast members canceling, and rain canceling the show, and cast wanting to be added was grand. Trusting love was always the answer, not the best answer, the only answer. Today the show people are so excited. This victory over my customary moody fearfulness is a relief. The more so because the show prep came amidst Steve’s passing and the book once more being stalled out. But the book is finally done and I have a flight to Anne’s tomorrow morning, Charles and I will have an early Christmas this morning and I’m so gosh darn happy about this newfound way of living not with God making things turn out because they generally don’t, at least not of late, but with God bringing peace to my heart in the midst of whatever is happening. Roadblocks, heartbreaks, victories over AI and impulses to get my stomach in a knot with fear the way it was a few nights ago when I wanted, probably needed, things to be what they weren’t. That need I was able to let go of by turning not the problems (there have been so many) but myself over to God, and like magic I’ve been healed of the angst and filled with love and energy. I’m convinced that without giving myself over to God all day I would be miserable, make everyone around me miserable and die young. At least the first two.


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